Bridal Shower in the Light of Islam

بسْمِ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

Bridal Shower in the light of Islam

Writer

Sara Iqbal

Islam is not a Religion, but a deen. Religion is a combination of few rituals which do not interfere in every aspect of life where as deen is a whole way of life that instructs its followers from how to lead successful lives within the boundaries of our homes and as well as how to run the affairs of a state etc.  Christianity on the other hand is now no more a religion, where going to the church every week is enough, and they dont take the instructions from their holy book for their entire life.

But Islam is not like this, where Friday attendance in a mosque is ofcourse mandatory, but praying, fasting, giving charity or going for Hajj is not enough to allow us to spend the rest of our life as our hearts desire.

Islam demands obedience and discipline from us in every aspect of life. Islam is a complete way of life which teaches us how to behave in our private and as well as public lives, while placing some boundaries on us that we have to adhere.

Every person is in search of excursion and happiness. Excursion means recreations that give your heart bliss, and these recreations are for rejuvenations of ones emotions, because every person’s heart wants to express its joys and happiness, but that happiness has to be expressed within limits.

Islam not only endorses that one should have recreations, but also teaches us the way to be happy and act on different occasions. In Islam there is a complete guidance for every happy occasion so that a person does not forget his purpose in life and is able to maintain his Islamic personality.

The feeling of happiness depends on how we perceive and how we execute it, and if it is not according to what we have in mind then we think our happiness is not complete.

One can understand this theory in this manner that a person who has changed his ways, has left behind his bad habits, or non-Islamic habits. E.g., listening to music, in which he used to find contentment, but when his thoughts changed about music and doesn’t listen to it anymore, now he can’t tolerate it anymore and with time doesn’t even think about them, because sinning displeases him, he is afraid of making Allah s.w.t angry, and fear of his end result overcomes him.

Weddings are a happy occasion, but they are also a form of social gathering. In Islam; marriage, Nikkah is very simple and easy- it’s just Nikkah and Walima, but in today’s society marriages have become the most expensive and most difficult occasion.

So many customs have been added to this Nikkah and Walima- from an Engagement party, Mayon, Mehndi, Dholki, Barat to Maqlawas, and because of all these additions weddings prolong for days and days.

If we review these customs and rituals we will find that some are related to the Hindu culture and some are from the western culture. In relation with customs and rituals, we can now a days witness a new phenomenon known as “The Bridal Shower”.

Bridal shower is a party which takes place a couple of weeks before the actual ceremony. The bride’s friends host this party in which they serve extravagant food, which also includes cupcakes embellished with the name of the bride on each cupcake, and in this party the future bride is bombarded with indecent questions about her husband to be. With loud music and a fully decorated stage or some other setting, the future bride is seen adorning a sash that has ‘bride to be’ written on it.

This custom has recently entered our society and has mainly engulfed the elite class yet, and they have wholeheartedly welcomed it while knowing nothing about its origin and history.

The History of Bridal Shower:-

The beginning of this custom dates back to the 16th century, and it was started to compensate for the girl’s dowry. It is said that a Dutch girl fell in love with a boy who worked in a factory, when she sought permission from her father to marry this boy; he refused and said if you marry this boy I will not give you any dowry. When the community got to know about their love, they dwelled to help them out, but no one individually could afford to help them, hence Bridal shower came into being; people combined together their gifts that would help her set up a house, and gradually this became a ritual.

By the 19th century America and Russia also came under the influence of bridal showers. And now gradually it has seeped into our society and people are copying this custom. If you really think about it, it seems as if everything we add in our customs we end up saying this is a part of our culture, WHAT DOES ISLAM HAS TO DO WITH IT!!

Islam has everything to do with it. We as Muslims believe that Allah (s.w.t) sent prophet to be our perfect role model so He explained what we were to do as Muslims, He came to teach us a religion, He is a Messenger from Allah (s.w.t), He teaches us what we need to believe in and do in this sphere (religion) and what’s going to save us from the punishment of Allah (s.w.t) and what’s going to cause us to enter His Paradise. Prophet gave the complete message of Islam, he did not leave any ambiguity in the message and He did not leave any room for change, because the teachings He came with were eternal teachings, and one of his teachings was that any resemblance to non-Muslim culture or Aqedah would not be accepted.

Importing customs from non-Muslims has its draw backs too:

1.        According to our prophet following/copying non-Muslims will lead to being resurrected with them on the day of judgment.

2.        Because of difficulties and late marriages, extra marital activities are taking precedence in our society.

3.        One is not blessed with the rahma of Allah (s.w.t) which leads to discard between families.

مَنْ تَشَبَّهَ بِقَوْمٍ فَهُوَ مِنْهُمْ

Holy Prophet (p.b.u.h) said that if any one imitated any nation, that person will be considered among them.

    Imitation signifies copying or adopting their identity, physical appearance or customs etc that are prevalent among them. Imitation actually is not limited to physical appearance only, it effects one's heart as well. Even just physical attire can effect our behaviour and attitude, for example if a child wears an army dress, he/she will feel himself/herself to be active and vigilant and will act so, unconsciously manifesting the qualities of those whose attire is being worn.

    While explaining regarding saving ourselves from imitating others, holy prophet (p.b.u.h) said at several places,

  خَالِفُوا المُشْرِكِين :  go against the mushrikoon,

خَالِفُوا الْيَهُود : go against the people of yahood.

    Hazrat Abdullah bin umar said that if anyone lives among the mushrikoon, and celebrates their eid or their customs and copy their physical appearance and then die among them, then he will be raised up on the day of judgement, among those people.

    Hazrat Abdullah bin umar probably referred to living among mushrikeen, because he could not even imagine that muslims can follow other nations even while living in Muslim countries.

    While imitating other nations, if any one says that we are not doing this for the sake of copying them but only because that is the prevailed custom, then sheikh Uthimaeyen says about this:

    If any one says that our intention is not to copy other nations, then we give this answer that imitation doesnt require an intention. Imitation is that one is copying them whether one intends to do so or not. But if you intended so then this is a dangerous thing becauase you did so in their love and honor. That's why we stop every one to do so whether one intends to do so or not, because niyah (intention) is an inner act and is difficult to be measured while imitation is an outward act and is recognized from what is seemingly being shown.

    

    

    (الشرح الممتع:196-195)

Basically every country has its own recognition and identification, Muslims too have a clear identification although they are unconscious of it, and indulge in celebrating Hindu, Sikh, Christians or Jews festivals, but we never see any Hindu, Sikh, Christian or Jew celebrating Eid or sacrificing an animal, or have never seen them fasting along with the Muslims, but Muslims, they celebrate their festivals with zeal and adopt their rituals.)

Although this is something that cannot be imposed on any one, but Muslims tend to be apologetic about their religion and their culture, and in the process forget that their religion and culture is given by Allah (s.w.t), which was brought down by Jibraeel (a.s) and was given to the messenger of Allah. If Allah has elevated us why do we need to degrade ourselves by following any way beside Allah’s. And in the whole process we totally forget the difference between Islam and Kufar.

 For the kufar life is a means of luxury and entertainment, and that’s why they want the thrill and fun in every aspect of their lives and this aspect is now being transferred to Muslim youth who in the name of fun and entertainment adopt everything.)

But when a person is afraid of accountability he will not indulge in such frivolous activities, because he knows that the day of reckoning is near and he would not like to waste his time, for there are five basic questions that will be asked from every human being.

Prophet narrated:

لاَ تَزُولُ قَدَمُ ابْنِ آدَمَ يَوْمَ القِيَامَةِ مِنْ عِنْدِ رَبِّهِ حَتَّى يُسْأَلَ عَنْ خَمْسٍ، عَنْ عُمُرِهِ فِيمَ أَفْنَاهُ، وَعَنْ شَبَابِهِ فِيمَ أَبْلاَهُ، وَمَالِهِ مِنْ أَيْنَ اكْتَسَبَهُ وَفِيمَ أَنْفَقَهُ، وَمَاذَا عَمِلَ فِيمَا عَلِم

“The son of Adam will not pass away from Allah until he is asked about five things, how he lived his life, and how he utilized his youth, with what means did he earn his wealth, how did he spend his wealth, and what did he do with his knowledge.” (Tirmidhi)

 This hadith portrays the situation of every human being on the day of final verdict; he will not be able to enter Paradise until and unless he succeeds in giving satisfying replies to those five basic questions:

1.      How life was spent on earth?

2.      How was youth utilized?

3.      How was wealth earned?

4.      How was wealth spent?

5.      What one did with the knowledge gained?

That is why when a momin person celebrates, he tries to do it in the boundaries Allah (s.w.t) and His messenger have laid, because he knows only by obeying their commands he will be successful and will be safe from invoking Allah’s (swt) wrath.)

We have become prisoners of our own conventional traditions. E.g. on weddings we spend large amount of money on things that have nothing to do with our deen and on top of that if we can’t afford them, we don’t hesitate to borrow money and totally ignore or forget that we are accountable of the money we spend.

On the surface, it seems people are enjoying these functions, but sometimes these functions become the source of dispute in many families. WHY? Because disobeying Allah (s.w.t) does not bring Rehma but invokes His displeasure. So take a look at what you’re doing, and how it could affect the newly married couple who are starting their lives. Prophet told us that

إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ النِّكَاحِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُ مَؤُونَةً

“ The Nikkah which is done with less money and ease has the most Barakah.”

(Musnad Ahmad 24529)

It is very difficult to go against the customs and traditions that prevail in the society, but to go against the shariyah at the cost of  Akhirah brings misery in this world and as well as the next.

I hope after reading this article it will help you to realize the importance of weighing the rituals and customs that we have adopted, in the light of shariah that we need to follow in every step of our lives. It’s better to be careful than sorry, and stop those rituals and customs that are seeping into our lives day by day. These are not our customs; engagement parties, mehndi, Mayon, drinking milk, stopping the way, finding the show etc., these are all Hindu customs, and are not Islamic traditions.

Usually people say these little things don’t matter, they don’t make a difference, BUT, they do make a difference, if you analyze you will see that we are wasting all our energies on them from matching clothes, to decorating homes, different types of food, we are so picky and choosy about them, but when it comes to religious affairs we forgo everything, we forget our obligations, we forget our Aqaaid, we forget our culture, we forget our customs and justify ourselves by saying it doesn’t make a difference, it doesn’t matter!!!

IT DOES MATTER!!!

If it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t make a difference, and it doesn’t bother us, then why can’t we have an orange carpet, with a green sofa and red curtains? That too shouldn’t matter or bother us either.

We recite Surah Fatiha numerous times a day, and ask Allah (s.w.t) to guide us to the right path, and Allah (s.w.t) Himself told us not to follow the ones who earned His wrath, and nor those who went astray, meaning the Jews and the Christians. We ask every day in our Salah five times, but when it comes to action we go against it.

What we need to do is, after reading clear warnings we should review ourselves, see where we are leading ourselves, are we leading ourselves to destruction or towards the right path? May Allah (s.w.t) guide us towards the right path and enable us to spend our wealth on those deeds that Allah (s.w.t) will appreciate, and only Allah (s.w.t) can give us that taufeeq.

IN SHAA ALLAH.